


I hate you, I love you

by HanEunSeom



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I love them all, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 13:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11105850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanEunSeom/pseuds/HanEunSeom
Summary: When your heart hits the bottom and you only want to sleep...... but someone happens to appear.Song-fic: I hate U I love U - Gnash | Kou Ichijo x Daisuke Nagase | Sweet





	I hate you, I love you

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, hi.

  
He was again lying on the couch and he didn't know for how long he had been like that. Of course, he didn't know when he would do something about his situation either.

 

He looked at his mobile for the fifth time with some kind of hope that allowed him to wait patiently for a notification, a message, anything new. But nothing really came.

  
He opened the frontal camera to see his face full of small pimples and frowned eyebrows. Yes, he was most likely classified under the 'ugly’ category, wasn't he?

He had huge dark bags under his brown eyes and a sad look. When was the last time he actually slept? When was the last time he attended to the practice? Maybe he should see a doctor.

He tried to smile, but it almost hurt.   
  
Things didn't seem so wrong if he just closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, but he knew the problem would still be there... like a small injure on his finger. A injure that was too small to kill him and but big enough to be extremely bothersome.   
  
What was he expecting anyway? An apology or something like that? That would never happen in his life, that was certain. Of course shit would go down if he demanded anything, but he couldn't shake off the feeling of betrayal.

Maybe  _ he was at fault. _   
  
Their relationship had been strange since the beginning and they barely talked. He couldn't shake off the feeling that was being  _ used. _ But he decided to ignore, he thought that was just a normal phase, after all, couples had moments like that, right? Anyone could have difficulties and they could be strong to overcome that.    
  
And he kept telling himself that. Even when he saw her holding Yukiko’s hand. Even when he saw her too close to Yukiko.  _ They are just good friends. _ Even when they kissed sitting on the wooden bench on the rooftop. Even after all that he still hoped he could make things right.

Pretty stupid, right?   
  
Then a day came and he exploded. He said he knew everything, he knew what the other did, he was so angry and sad. Even after spilling all out like poison, his heart ached and was begging to hear that all he said was just a misunderstanding. It wasn't real and they were just as fine as before.   
  
Of course things didn't go on like that. He listened with his head pounding and his eyes full of tears the heartless declaration of the other. The words circled his mind like some kind of annoying bug.   
  
"Yes, it's true and fuck you and all your drama. I'm fucking tired of this shit. If you disappeared of my life, things would be so much easier! You know what? Since the beginning, I've been with you because I pitied you. Always the pity party type, you gave out lonely feels and I wanted to help you. It's not my fucking fault if you fell in love and I have no obligations with you. I'll leave and you can be sure that I'm gonna be a lot happier… because I love  _ her _ .”   
  
Pity party type was the term used.  He always tried his best to not be like that so he wondered what he did wrong. Maybe  _ his existence was wrong. _   
  
He felt stupid and coughed while getting out of the sofa. With his fingers he took the bandaid of his face quickly.  _ It stung. _   
  
~~I hate you I love you~~  
  
He held his tears and heard his brother arrive home.   
  
~~I hate that I love you~~   
  
He ran to his room and answered with a cracked voice when his brother asked if he was okay.    
  
~~Don't want to but I can't put anybody else above you~~   
  
The deep voice of his brother asked one more time. He was so worried and he could almost see his hands touching the door.   
****  
~~I hate you I love you~~   
  
He started crying painfully and he locked the door. He saw the bathroom door slightly open and remembered the painkillers he had in the small cabinet. He needed them because of some injuries due to the soccer practice.   
****  
~~I hate that I want you~~   
  
Just a few wouldn't do any harm, right? It was  _ just a few.  _ He just wanted to make the pain go away.

His brother started pounding on the door with his fists and he wanted to assure him things were okay, he head was just hurting a little so he was going to take some medicine. Everything was fine.

_ Liar. _   
  
~~You want her, you need her~~   
  
A few pills would be enough. Things would be okay if he slept a little too. He took the painkillers and the sleep pills. He put four of each on his hands. Wasn't that too much?  _ No, it wasn't. _   
****  
~~And will never be her~~   
  
His eyes were burning and his throat was hurting badly. He tried to swallow the first couple of pills, but he had a strong nausea.    
  
Then he heard this other voice.    
  
"Daisuke?!" he was yelling... but it wasn't his brother. "What the fuck are you doing inside this room? Get out of there right now!"   
  
Kou was outside? Wasn't he oversea doing something to help people? Why was he there? Daisuke's head was spinning and he had to hold the knob to not fall. Why were they so desperate? It was just some pills to sleep and take the pain away, he need that, he was awake for three days in a row.

“Daisuke!”   
  
He was feeling bad and threw up before any of the pills could make their way to his mouth and at that moment someone knocked the door down. Suddenly he felt arms around him, holding him tightly.   
  
"It's okay," he was crying harder now and his hiccups hurt his chest, "You gonna be okay. Daisuke... I'm gonna make sure of that.”   
  
He didn't know what Kou was doing there but he was fucking thankful for that.

**Author's Note:**

> Another song-fic... this time happier... yes, happier indeed.


End file.
